Who ordered the scrambled brains?

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San Fran-Poops-co

Poo. Poo poo poo poo poo. Poo poo. Poo. Poo poo poo poo poo! POOPOpopopopoopopoppopoopoooppopopop!!!!

5:30am: Woke up.
6:10am: Arrived at LAX.
6:25am: Discovered my 7:50am flight to SFO was delayed till 8:40am.
7:00am: Discovered my 7:50am flight to SFO was delayed till 9:00am.
8:20am: Had a #3 EVM from McD’s.
8:30am: Discovered my 7:50am flight to SFO was delayed till 9:30am.
8:31am: Murdered a baby.
9:55am: Plane encounters turbulence — the intensity of which matches the five-day-old violent twitching of my right lower eyelid — preventing proper drink service. Urge to bash head against wall heightened by lack of expected spicy tomato juice and by turbulence of both forms.
10:38am: Landed in SFO. Prepared to haul ass to 11:00am connecting flight to Chico.
image of a three-toed sloth10:45am: Got off plane after 100 three-toed sloths seated ahead of me plodded off. (Quickly pondered the health risks and fiscal pressure behind the Zoo’s decision to ship sloths in Economy Class: very dangerous and moderate-to-high.)
10:46am: Ran to flight information screen banks to get gate number. 87A. Ran back past where I came.
10:49am: Ran through gate 87A. Boarded tram to outlying terminal.
10:52am: Exited tram to outlying terminal.
10:53am: “Which gate for Flight 6237 to Chico?”

“Oh it just closed, I’m sorry. We have to close it once it’s in the ten-minute window.” [Closes eyes and flashes courtesy smile. Holds for two seconds and release.]

It’s what they call a misconnect. Cute. I wish I could misconnect someone’s body from their head. I think that would be cuter don’t you I’m glad you agree. At that point if I jumped and hollored enough I get the feeling they might have tried to flag down the plane, as one employee did actually try to reach them via telephone and then went down to the tarmac for me. However, his spirit was restrained by another employee that ordered him not to delay the flight if it already left. (Misconnectee?) Of course jumping and hollering in an airport also ran the risk of me being imprisoned without habeus corpus rights for the next five years.

So, what now? Nothing at all now. But at 4:00pm they’re going to stow me with the checked baggage on a decommisioned Russian military transport salvaged from an impovershed family of Afghan villagers for a used pair of Levi’s. But they did give me this $7.50 meal voucher. Maybe I’ll auto-transport (walk, as opposed to, say, fly) myself to the international terminal; I gotta find out if the rumors of a cheese fondue fountain and the Blue Man Group reenacting the Nativity in the mausoleum are true.

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3 Comments

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Shaun said:

If your responce mechanism allowed us to title our posts, mine would read: Can I please have your meal voucher?

Perhaps this improvement will be implemented in scrambled brains version 3.1. I have seen this feature at many websites such as www.Shauntime.com and many others, so I know I am not crazy.

Shaun

 
Zaldy Tejada said:

How’s the new ride? Any mechanical problems along the way back? Or have u even gotten back yet? If not, make sure to stop by for some fresh jerky Reynier has been babbling about. Speaking of the devil, that dude left his secret Santa gift at your aunt Cyn’s house. After 200 years of begging and pleading, he finally recieved and what happend?…the lopezzz take off and the gift is left stranded on the couch. Luckily Steve saw it. it’s now sitting under his bed again and’ll probably be there for another 200 years.

Mike McG said:

We finally made it back just today! Phew! Anyway, we missed out on the jerky because we loaded up on bear meat. Anyway, the new ride is fine, a 90’s economy car like mine. No problems on the way back except for when we drove through cow country. Then my nose started experiencing problems. Nat loves the car though, and drives just to drive. Maybe you can give her Rainier’s gift and she’ll drive it over to him. But she might just keep on driving!

 
 

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