Who ordered the scrambled brains?

Man I been slogging around this campus too long. Every now and again my mind sponatneously recaptures the institutional awe that had permeated it when I entered here. Sometimes it’s brought on by pristine weather. Other times it’s triggered by reminiscing of my freshman year, or by the happenstance of reading several news articles consecutively about other universities and their contributions to society and humanity. It’s a bittersweet experience that simultaneously fills me with renewed peace, respect, humility and intellectual curiosity, and alternately with bitterness, a turning deep in my stomach and finally a suffocating deflation. …Like a washed up athlete or musician, returning to reality after having an inspirational epiphany or moment of Zen.

Yesterday the UCLA University Records System Access website reported to me that my GPA was 2.051. Yes, that magic number. You’re all thinking “Oh wow, that’s terrible, I better send him some money to show I support him during this emotional trial.” Au contraire mon frair! But that’s very kind of you, nonetheless. If I recall correctly (which I’m not know for) this was the first time since Fall 2000 that my GPA was above a 2.00. No emotional trauma yesterday, you see, but quite the contrary. Of course my rejoicing was curtailed by my myopic nature, which, at any given moment, focuses my attention on the immediate. Expenses. Work. School. Traffic tickets. Expanding waistlines. And also that intricate void carefully placed into my life by repeated academic failures. Yes, the immediate.

I’ve slogged around this campus too long. Eaten too many bread “boules” of clam chowder or cream of potato with cheese (depending on the day). Spent too many one-nighters in Powell (one-nighter: different than an all-nighter in that only one night, total, is spent studying, manic-depressively, for an impending final). Watched too many fools jockey for academic or social stature. Walked out of too many finals heavier than when I went in. Received too much random praise and encouragement from people that care. Went to too many, or not enough, stupid parties. Read too many articles or guides or commentaries or papers while class was taking place two buildings away. Too too many.

Feeling better now. Eight months to go. (Move right leg forward…)

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